Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I Forgot to Bring My Ovaries, Can I Still Ride With You?

Right now I'm terribly angry.

Someone told a woman about how fun it was to put a bike between her legs. That woman told another woman and she told another...  Now we have quite the mess on our hands and there's no panty-liner big enough to soak up this disaster. Women have found their way to bike advocacy. Just as we were forced to share our right to vote with them, we'll soon be forced to share our love of bikes with them.  This is displeasing to say the least.

We don't have wieners!
They've called their bushy syndicate the "Ovarian Psycos" (sic.) and I don't know if I have a problem with their name more because they're so pressed to make sure you know they have ovaries OR if it's because they spelled psychos wrong. In either case, it's the equivalent of calling a men's bike club the "Testicular Nuhts" which sounds pretty dumb. Then again I am the writer of a blog named after a malfunction that occurs due to poor bicycle maintenance so what the hell do I know?

The Ovarian Psycos have organized a monthly ride called "Clitoral Mass," which I assume is how large a clitoris can get before it explodes?  As we already know, it's a rip-off of Critical Mass which is a bonafide and official bike organization. Frankly, I would have preferred to call their ride "CicLabia" but I have no say because I'm a dude. Also because I'm a dude, I'm unable to tell them that they have to experience this before anyone will take them seriously as a social bicycle advocacy group. It's widely known that your bike club is just a loose outfit of hoodlums until a member gets tackled by a cop on a video that eventually finds its way to local news. Anyway, before I get off topic I'd like to share a video they've put together as an invitation to anyone with a vagina to join in their monthly cycle cycling festivities.

So I guess I won't see you there, but if you see a poorly cross-dressed person trying to sell a Schwinn Circuit to other fellow Ovarian Psycos - it most definitely isn't me.

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